Day 1: I make a plan to make plans. :/

Day one: Something you hate about yourself. 

Okay, I really had to think about this one a lot. You see, I'm not really a low self-esteem kind of person. Frankly I think I'm pretty great but not in an I-am-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-the-planet-self-centered-egotistical-kind-of-way either. I just know that in the grand scheme of things, I have a lot going for me.  God blessed in thousands of ways and I'm grateful for every one. When you live like that it's really very easy to be positive. 

Buuuuuuuuut there are a few things I know I'm bad at: take procrastinating, for example. My friends tend to call me procrastination station.  And despite my efforts and intensions, they are right. I can NEVER seem to get things done early, it's ALWAYS the last second possible. Sometimes I also hate that it's really hard for me to say no. I feel like sometimes I let people take advantage of my big heart because it's really hard for me to say no. For example, even though I will have hours and hours of homework if someone asks for a ride to the mall, I know I really shouldn't take that thirty minute break but I do. It's like a bad/good feeling all at the same time. Bad because I needed to be studying. Good I helped someone have a better day. 

But I think the thing I truly hate about myself the most is that I feel like I always need to be in control. I am a planner to the tee and always have been. I probably make 5 new lists a day. It is awful. My lists aren't the kind that are like "don't forget to pick up dog food" either....for example: my list for tomorrow is so detailed it reads something like this. 

Wake up-8:00

Get ready-8:00

Eat breakfast-8:20

Clean house for game night-8:40

Leave for practice-9:40

Weights-10

Lunch with Jelani-11

Hook up ps2 and karaoke machine-11:30

Work on completing errand (which happens to be another running list!)

back to practice-2:30

Get ready for game night-5

Dinner-6:00

Game night-7:30

And the sad thing is I actually modified it so it looked less full and detailed. :/ I'm serious. Its really hard for me let friends plan things too, like girl's nights out if I don't know what we're doing I'm like anxious all day and it's usually hard for me to let loose until I have had time to warm up to the ideas.  But the weird thing is I love surprises! Like surprise parties or spur of the moment "adventures". But I usually have in the back on my mind a plan that says hey let's do something spontaneous next tuesday just to change it up a bit. It's all an endless cycle of being in control really....