"I Was Here"
I've had a couple people lately ask me why I named my blog 'I Was Here'. To the outsider, it does sound pretty unoriginal and uncreative, I know. But it's something that actually means a whole lot to me. You see in the last three years my life has really changed a lot. I graduated high school, started college, met some amazing people, and lost some of those very close to me. I am very much a different person in many ways, a better person for sure. A better me. You see there are a couple things specifically over the last three years that really really rocked me to my core and made me re-evaluate my life.
Chapter 1: The Unusually Unusual Scarlett
[one of my senior pictures]
Let's start with high school, the "before" Scarlett. I was basically, well how do I say this...
A CHAMELEON.
[me hitting my homerun!]
I was the nerd that just happened to be good at sports. This made me fit in with just about everyone, or at least be able to talk to them. I don't really think looking back now I completely fit in with anyone to be honest.
[some bball teammates my junior year]
To the jocks, I was the nerdy one who didn't party and that made me stand apart.
[Emily and me sharing a seat to Myrtle Beach]
To the nerds, I was the girl who was loud, athletic, talkative and just not the sit down and read-the-dictionary-type, I just got good grades without really studying.
[me and Megan in Myrtle Beach]
To the girly girls, I was the tomboy that didn't know a thing about fashion or boys.
[Senior prom pausing for a pic with Ryan]
To the tomboys, I was the girl that enjoyed dressing up just didn't really know how to be beautiful yet.
[Kristi and I checking the batcave]
You see, this is why I say I was a chameleon during high school. Most people talked to me, got along with me, but not many people really claimed me or knew the REAL Scarlett. Except for my best friend, Kristi. I think she really always had my back during high school and still does today. [me, Katie, aad Kristi skipping class to take a picture]
I graduated Saluatorian of my class, gave my speech, left that small town with a lot of friends, a few close friends, and two best friends.
Chapter 2: The Unimaginable.
After graduation, summer was fantastic. I spent the summer getting ready for college, hanging out with those friends from high school, and really just living it up. My family even let me pick the vacation that summer as my graduation gift and the first week of August we headed to COLORADO (I love the mountains).
[my brother and me in Colorado 2008]
It wasn't until the first full day in the beautiful state that the unimaginable happened. I was staying in a room at the hotel with my brothers girlfriend at the time, across the hall from my parents. It was 4:30 am and I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my best friend. I thought it was weird, must've been a pocket dial or something she knew I was on vacation. I went to pee (figured I was already awake) but by the time I got back to bed I had 3 missed phone calls and figured okay now THAT was weird something must be up. I called my friend back and asked what was going on? She told me one of my close friends had been killed in a car accident. I don't remember what happened in the next 10 minutes or so, I just remember dropping the phone and going blank. Apparently my parents say I screamed so loud it woke them up across the hall and they came over. Once I was able to talk, we packed up and headed straight back to Missouri. I just laid in the back seat and cried the whole way home. [back to front/left to right: Senior bball 08: Kat, Jamie, me, Kortney, Emily] My world was shaken, you see Kathleen was just 18, days away from being 19. She was my age and was honestly one of the nicest people I knew. Everyone loved her, she was seriously a friend to everyone, that was her best quality. People my age aren't supposed to die, they're supposed to be going to bonfires, causing a little trouble, getting ready for college, and having fun. The next few weeks were extremely hard for me to wrap my head around.
[basketball seniors left to right: Kat, Emily, Jamie, me] You see, I met Kat in the sixth grade when she transferred to our school. We played on the same basketball team for 7 years. Kat and I were always friends but we didn't get really close until our senior year when we ended up having 7 of our 8 classes together. Kat taught me A LOT of lessons that year. And still to this day I get little flashbacks of things she said and they mean so much. I miss her so so much. I found this journal entry I wrote a year after her death:
Kathleen Ila Gilmartin.
The tragedy you faced was so unreal. We all miss you so much. While you were here you taught me so many things. You touched my life in so many ways and we had so many memories together. These are just a few things I won't ever forget about you and will smile when I think about our great times together...
- You could brighten a room by just smiling.
- On our girls night to see 27 dresses you got the bright idea to steal the HUGE Horton Hears a Who sign and we got it all the way out to the parking lot before you ran away deciding it was longer than MY truck so there was no way we could get it home!
- You could out "soulja boy" dance anyone and it became OUR tradition before every basketball game.
- I loved how instead of running the mile in gym like we were supposed to you brought the rebel out in me and we'd go sunbathing instead.
- How 42 was YOUR number and that's ALL that mattered. Mess with Kitty you get the Claw!
- You and I climbed unto the roof of the old old football pressbox just because it was against the rules (and because we didn't want to run to mile) and I was freaking out b/c coach swift almost caught us and I thought we were gonna fall through the old boards.
- You hung out my eclipse sunroof and took pictures while I drove just because you'd always wanted to. You said eclipse's were you're dream car. I'll always remember how excited you looked when I offered you a ride. :) )
- You were so passionate about everything you did.
- You were a friend to all and always had something positive to say.
- Milk was your favorite beverage.
- You loved how you looked in purple.
- We could never be on time for weights but it didn't matter because we were seniors and Martin loved us.
- You were voted best all around because that's what you were.
- One of your hugs on a bad day always seemed to make things a little better.
- You loved photography and you kicked butt at it.
- You said we were the prettiest bball team around and we should smell that way too. (So you always put D.O. on me and Jamie before the games. It was always akward.....but you insisted it was "lucky" if you did for us....so we let you)
- Your addiction to gum.
- How you loved the mudhouse and always hinted it would be a great place for a first date...lol
- You always planned the best girls nights and made EVERYONE feel welcome.
- You always had a compliment for me, even when i looked crappy. and you were so sincere...
- Even though it was "blocked" you could ALWAYs figure out how to login to facebook or myspace at AGHS.
- You never saw you're own beauty, but insisted on making sure everyone else saw their own.
- In foods class EVERYTHING we made ALWAYS ended up looking like poo in a bag but it was ALWAYS good! :)
- You were the only person to ever come watch ME at a high school track meet....everyone else just went to the track....but you came for ME. It really meant a lot.
- You told me on a really rough day that there was only 'one Scarley Barley and that was why you loved me.'
[our last picture together: senior prom about to dance to soulja boy's crank dat]
I still think about Kat all the time. She truly did inspire a real change in the way I looked at life. I was no longer under the impression I was invincible. This tragedy made me have to face the facts: I had to start living each day like it was my last. I had to step outside my comfort zone and really start enjoying life and taking things for what they were opportunites. Each day is a new opportunity: an opportunity to be better, an opportunity to do something new, and an opportunity to have fun doing it. Kat's death made me change the way I lived life.
Chapter 3: The Unforgettable.
It was only a few weeks after Kat's accident and I was determined to start over. This was my opportunity. This is when my new chapter begins. Clean slate: college.
Missouri State University. That was the school for me :) I got accepted and went to school earning an academic and athletic track scholarship.
I ended up moving into the dorms without a hitch and there I met my roommate Jelani.
[Jelani and I at a BBQ]
Jelani was so different than anyone I'd called a friend in the past. For starters, she was black. (yes that sounds extremely bad but I lived in a town where everyone is white. I'd never had a friend of a different race, this is actually a very large part of story later) She was from a big city. She used slang words I didn't know. Now, I could've taken this at first glance, decided we were just too different, decide we were just gonna be sharing a room and never really talk, I'd keep my old friends and that would be just that...
but I'm so happy I didn't.
[posing for a picture]
You see Jelani is one of my best friends now. She is amazing. (See entry Day 2: my peeps if you don't believe me.) We had so much in common: we both have brothers named AJ, love the Olympics, do track and field, cant turn down cheesecake or a chinese buffet, and that's just for starters.
[me in my new favorite shirt...i stole from Jelani, gotta represent ya know?]
I can't have imagined I'd ever learn so much so quickly from someone. The year I lived with Jelani I grew so much. She taught me all kinds of new words like finna (about to), all about hair, about living in a big city, what it's like growing up one of 6, introduced me to the world of gospel music and christian rap, and food (that girl knows how to eat). But I taught Jelani things too: how to dance the cotton eye joe, took her to see her first shooting star, how to shoot a gun, driving down an old dirt road with the sunroof open (she got a sinus infection b/c apparently she has allergies), the art of roadkilling, and many more things I'm sure. [some of the team before a game]
Jelani wasn't the only one who changed the way I viewed the world but she certainly was with me through it all. I like to think of her as my "wing woman". I think having her with me really helped me get my feet wet you could say. From there everything really just starting falling into place. I began surrounding myself with new people, new cultures, and new friends.
[fielders 2009]
I'd like to thank my team mates for the majority of my growth during this time. They accepted me as a part of their family and made it so easy for me as a freshman to fit in. Here I was a girl who (in Chapter one) didn't really know where I fit but finding ya'll was a blessing. You never made me question my place in our little track family. I made so many friends and so many memories. I am truly grateful for everything you guys do for me.
[upperclassmen 2010-2011]
Chapter 4: The Ugly
So remember earlier when I said I left high school with two best friends? Well, get ready for the drama. You see I had been friends with this girl (for the purpose of the blog she shall remain unnamed, refer back to day 4 and Day 8 posts) for a long time, years and years. We met as kids and became close in jr. high. We did everything together. Then our senior year, there was some tension. Things weren't really the same between us. I was kind of going one direction and she was heading in another. We were still best friends but I could always sense the beginning of a drift between us though I couldn't at the time place why. We graduated, I moved to MSU, changed even more (refer back to Chapter 3), but at this point we were still talking and hanging out on occasion. It wasn't until almost a year after graduation I found out about 'an incident' (let's call it for the sake of the matter) that had occured in high school. My best friend had betrayed me and completely stabbed me in the back. I won't go in to details because frankly they are important anymore, it's in the past. But none-the-less I was sooooooooo mad that someone who I cared about and trusted would do such a thing. This certainly changed the way I viewed my other friendships. But ending this friendship was actually very very good for me in the end. On that note, that will bring us into the next chapter.
Chapter 5: Uplifting
Now with all that being said...where does that leave me? Why did I name this blog 'I Was Here'. I heard this song last year and it just seemed so perfect for this stage of my life.
I Was Here
by: Lady Antebellum
You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
I was here
This song says everything I wanna be/do. Everything in the last three years has lead me here: living my life in the moment, showing everyone who and what I live for and stand for. Each day is a gift and blessing and it's my job to make the best of it. I'm finally to a point where I'm able to see that things aren't going to be perfect and they don't have to be: it's all about how you choose to deal with each situation. And that brings us to the final chapter of this extremely long saga...for those of you still reading, thanks.
Chapter 6: The Ubiquitous: Who i am today.
So, where does that leave me?
Well I've head lots of time to soul search and discover about myself and this is what I've got so far. Take everything for face value.
- I love Jesus. He is my all in all. I'm growing closer to Him everyday.
- I'm grew up on a farm and would've traded it for anything. I'm a country girl through and through.
- I'm tall but still love wearing heels (when I find a cute pair that will fit BIGFOOT of course)
- I have eight best friends but only one bestie. (big improvement to the "before" Scarlett eh?)
- I am going to Italy to study abroad in Summer 2011.
- I love books but don't have time to read.
- I believe a bubble bath or hot shower is the best kind of therapy.
- Grilled cheese sandwiches should be always be made with love.
- I'm a twenty year old art major but CAN'T do a decent job of painting my own nails.
- Stars fascinate me.
- Photography is the perfect career for me.
- I love to sing out loud.
- I spend way too much time on the computer.
- I love to brush my teeth.
- I don't eat seafood EVER.
- I could live off sweet tea.
- My dream job is to be a 'stay at home mom' or work for National Geographic
- My initials spell SLAM.
- I am a sleep conversationalist.
- My only volume is LOUD.
- Sleeping in socks grosses me out.
- I know how to use a pair of Nunchakus (for real)
- I find freckles beautiful.
- I am positive true love exists and it can last forever.
:) I may have a ways to go, but I'm sure having fun just being me :)
Scarlett was here.
